coal, soot, carbon, blood, spit, jealousy, anger, frustration, rage, fire, pressure
in the pressure of eternity. stood dying in my room, crushed in the unbelievable pain of it all. going into it, going into it, not letting go, not letting up
keep going in. deeper. into the pain. I have to know this now.
I have to feel it all this time.
tastes like coal and soot. dirty blackness inside, places where they began, this life
somewhere beyond this life, somewhere in the beginning, of me, of me,
keep going until there is no more pain
screaming into the night air
as it implodes
and all agonies start to change
I knew they would, I knew they had to eventually
turn to a sweet ecstacy
until there is nothing left to suffer, nothing left to feel
and I find myself lifting up, rising
coming up for air
breathing deep and hard
bursting through the veil
feel the sex in me
heat like fire,
getting hot like life
in the black
of being so empty
take a new form
and what was a lie
hid a truth all along
there are no words for this freedom
maybe love, but that doesnt describe it
2 comments:
Hard times for you. I hope you live through it.
I once went through all my poems and wherever the word love was [not many places, it turned out] I substituted "death". Most were improved.
Still don't use/trust the word much.
It's overused. Like "awesome".
FA
hey FA, thanks for your thoughts.
I dont know, despite these setbacks on the road to wherever. I am still a believer in it. It is what we are, it is what we do best, it comes naturally and easily when we arent afraid to be hurt by it. I'd do it again... just not with her. she aint quite right.
I just have to retrace my steps now and figure out where I went wrong on it this time. it fkin hurt me a bit.
all good though. I just spent 3 days in a meditation centre sitting with it till it disintegrated.
Feeling much more myself again :)
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