Saturday, 12 December 2009

Another night spent stumbling around, lost in a city I still don’t seem to know. It used to be easier or maybe it is just the same. I’m so used to dealing with it this way I just don’t know anymore. 2 drinks became 5, became 10, became …stumbling around. The one thing that stays the same, is the loneliness of it all. At which I laugh now, like an old friend you can always count on.

It struck me tonight, as I caught the eye of yet another woman I didn’t approach, that love, marriage, friendship, comfort, genuine kindness and things of the heart, the things women in truth, seem to love to give. You know, these things, they aren’t all that far away. As if I could just reach out to touch and it would be there. It was in her look; a question – was I brave enough to ask.

But tonight, like so many nights before. I just wasn’t able to step up. I couldn’t feel enough like a man, I guess. Not tonight. But I saw that look in her eye. Just like I’ve seen the depths in waters, and the distance in horizons, and the suns dropping low, and the darknesses falling gently down to let the stars come out to light the ways, and I know the loneliness, the fear, will not be forever.

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