Sunday, 22 November 2009

'Can I have your number?' I asked her.

She mumbled something about not being in the right place for that at this time. her eyes were on the ground. her feet fidgeting, I could almost see perspiration on her brow. she avoided my eyes. I stopped listening. looked over her shoulder, I could still see her lips move but wasnt paying attention as she went into some kind of unconscious drama. I stood still as I could, politely waiting for it to complete.

'....its not that I dont like you...'

New surfboards out in the shop across the road. I tried to make out the label but it was hard from that distance.

'...my last boyfriend.....'

I was running out of things to look at and my eyes came back to her but she was finishing up.

'um...oh....a I have to go talk to a friend of mine who just came in, bye.'

It was all quite amusing, amazing, disturbing even. I tried to remember the last time someone had gone to quite such lengths to say everything but what they were really thinking. Though I wasnt sure quite what that might have been. I had asked for her number, to go for a drink, so see if we got on, if we could be friends, and who knows, maybe later lovers, I genuinely hadnt thought much past the fact that she appealed to me on some level. I guess that was the extent of my thinking in asking. I now kind of wished I hadnt bothered.

For her. Had I just asked to molest her, or get married?

rejection.

I didnt mind it.

but the lengths people go to avoid making you feel it. yet all along I felt it anyway, dragged out like a slow death. Maybe a simple 'no' would have a been a lot easier on both of us. I was left simply intrigued as to what was wrong with the way that had just played out and why I had caused such a reaction. I had little idea what it was and I was never likely to know.

I had a friend who used to stare at girls until they would come over and demand he explain what he was staring at, at which point he would say -
'I was imagining what you would look like bent over with my prick up your ass'
I recall the first time I heard him say it, and was waiting for hell to break loose, mind you he was a big guy, but she just huffed and turned and walked off.
20 minutes later she left with him. I never quite understood that. Actually , maybe I did.

I looked back over at her, she was talking animatedly but I noticed she was putting little glances over at me. I guess to see if I was still looking. I was never any good at Game, I just blurted out what I thought, cut to the chase. It was honest if nothing else. I hoped so at least. I wasnt even sure I was interested in playing, wasnt interested in anything other than some company at some future time. I wasnt looking for a lay or a girlfriend. I didnt think so but you never really knew what the mind was up to on the lower levels.

I looked around the room. It was late, another night done and dusted. I would go home alone. I didnt mind, there was something easier about it. I left into the street, pleasingly sober, I liked that. Walked past a bar, people falling out of it ugly drunk. It wasnt pretty and I recalled something someone had said to me earlier that day

'If insects disappeared off the planet life would be gone in less than 50 years, but if Mankind disappeared off the planet, it would thrive'

I walked to the bus, stepped over a drunk, dodged a fight, eyed a bit of skirt headed for the clubs in town, got on the bus and wondered why nature let us stay in her heart as long as she had. Maybe we were good for something, but to be honest, I couldnt see what it was.

5 comments:

Prixie said...

geesh, your friend said THAT and got the girl?! Unbelievable!

the question you asked keeps me up at night, it really does. yes I am bland as a rice cake.

Mark Berry said...

Which question be that?

Mad Cat Lady said...

But if one just says no, without any excuse attached, people so often persist - as if no were encouragement to talk one round.

Mark Berry said...

Persistence.

Its the law of Attrition, Mad Cat.

sex is often just a bargaining tool anyway. it probably isnt even that big a deal to you really, so maybe you figure eventually it is easier to give out than be pestered further. some guys know this and work on it.

Or they think that eventually you will come to like them when you see their finer qualities.

assuming we have any.

No - is also a refusal and men arent really geared to accept refusal. we are taught to fight it. which is probably right too. 'No' is a red rag to a bull. So you have to be smarter than that.

Lots of guys think this way. It is in our blood, in our masculinity and quite natural. So you are fighting nature, gauranteed to cause trouble.

besides, it is a known women change their minds rather rapidly for no reason.

if we hang about long enough or add alcohol. its almost like a magic trick.

Attrition

if you ever read a 'sarging' site and see what The Game is all about. it is a science now, developed in the last 10 years.

not that I am any good at it but it has some points. it is of psychological interest. I cant be assed with getting laid anymore.

so....

NO rarely means no. it just means you are not in that space right now.

that right there, is a truth. And one of the beautiful mysteries that is 'woman' and also why we dont understand you and also why we love you, because we hear NO a lot and eventually we hear that seemingly rare YES and it is a cause for celebration.

hale-fuckin-lujah!!!!

IMO there isnt enough YES in the world.

which is also probably why I seem to end up dating hookers

I could write for days on this, it is fascinating.

Mad Cat Lady said...

:D
then please do

your writing is always delightful - you gotz rhythm